Loneliness

by Rob Lock

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03:56
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07:09

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released November 27, 2014

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Rob Lock Edinburgh, UK

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Track Name: Happiness Only Real When Shared
I was thinking about the transcendent beauty of the ocean and the sky,
When the empty space beside me caught my eye.
I was thinking about the sensation in my legs and the miles of road behind me,
But then I thought what good is it with no one beside me?
I was talking about all of the things I had seen, like the spray and the bridge across the bay,
How incredible the cliffs were in the bright of day.
I was talking about all of the people I had been with, my friends and family, new faces seen,
But never the one who would have shared the journey.

Now I gotta say
I love you, but I don't know who you are.
Is that too tragic to say to a faceless ghost, floating by my arm?

I was thinking about the overworked attendant at Big Sur,
Or Kyle, Nadav and Alan: they passed in a blur.
I was thinking about the couples that I met in Bandon, Bodega and Cruz;
The waitress in Corvallis: Nicole and her smile.
These are people I'm proud to say I met, but they're photographs on my mind's wall.
Beside the brilliant family that I'm blessed with: onto them I know I can fall.
But that ghost's still hanging, on my arm,
That gap where the eyes should be, that would follow me through the storm.

Now I don't wanna say
I love you, when I don't know who you are.
It's just too tragic to say to a faceless ghost, floating by my arm.
I love you, why can't I know who you are?
It's so tragic to say that to thin air, with no trust, and no warmth.

I'm still thinking about the transcendent beauty of the ocean and the sky, and that empty space beside me.
Track Name: Dissatisfaction
I have quit every job that I've had,
Except for one and that was seasonal.
Wait for an employer to take my hand and say,
Here's what you've been looking for.
Because nothing ever satisfies me,
The women and the work are never good enough.
Nothing feels as right as the music does,
so I'll keep making it about how everything else sucks.

It's not worked out with any girlfriend I've had
I'm just not that good at the game.
Waiting for an angel to take my hand,
So she can say 'of course I'll share your pain.'
Because no one ever sweeps me away,
Or takes me to place where I'd be happy to stay.
Nothing feels as right as the music does,
So I'll keep writing it, but that really don't help things much.

There are plenty people out there,
And most of them are happy to share.
But when they stretch out their hand, you know I put it in a blender,
They're never gonna lend it again.

I am critical of most works of art,
Except my own! And baby that is the crux.
Waiting for my ego to meet its match,
So I can say 'baby, now I'm in luck!'
Because nothing ever meets my demands,
Except a few dead authors and a few famous bands.
Nothing feels as right as my music does,
And that's the reason why my feet are stuck in the mud.

I am only going to sing one more verse,
Because honestly it's getting me down.
Waiting for someone to interrupt and say,
'Rob, man, relax, chill, live in the moment man, it's all gonna be fine'.

But y'know...
Certain things do satisfy me.
Like cigarettes, booze, food and a bad movie.
Nothings feels as right as self destruction…

But the music's alright.
It helps me to fight,
My endless, pointless battles with the world.
And here's my last line:
I'm sure I'll be fine...
Yeah right.
Track Name: Fantasy
We're outside, and it's all golden and green.
We're sitting down by some silvered and quiet shining water.
She says something that strikes of the comically irrelevant,
And I smile, feeling bewildered but free.

And there's truth in these words, but it's a truth I'd rather died.
It's like snow, curving with grace and appeal, but smothering your bones.

We're standing beside an open window now,
It's a grey and dusky view, sweet poison slipping through my lungs.
She asks if she can have some.
I say, 'Sure, finish it; I'm through', and I pull her close into my lips.
She smokes and she exhales, then
We sit down peacefully, and she throws her arms around me.

There's still truth in these words, but it's a truth that tears inside.
It's like light dancing on the side of your cave,
But you know there's no sun outside (or you'd rather not look).

In time, the real might get better.

Remember that: the real might get better.

There was truth in my words, but it's the truth of games and lies.
It's like time, slipping away before your eyes,
And a twisted dream, so beautiful, left behind.
Track Name: I Ran Towards the Sun
Say, what's that, you're coming to stay?
Well this is the New World and there's always a place for you.
But wait, what's that, you're planning to stay?
Well just burn your bridges and we'll give you a new name.
"Work, guns and fools, money and games"
That can be your title and you know the art can wait.
But stop, hold on, are you running away?
Well there's nothing left for me, I'd say I was falling.

You say your little heart won't break, but you know the cracks are showing.
You say your little heart can take it, but the fangs of the world are growing day by day.
Any decent fuck might solve it, with a sweet sweet smile and a shit load of free time.
But that's the way it's been for years, and the motto's growing a little tired.
It's like a train coming, the light straight in your face.
I don't know when the rails will turn,
But you'll know at least you tried
To keep your head high.

Right, here's my plan: I'm going insane.
Write another letter to the Universe and I'll say:
I can't believe that life is a game
There's too much love and hatred just to laugh it all away.
But power, war and words, the sex and the shame,
We're toys of infinity that happen to feel pain.
In this new place, again and the same, but you know, hell, thats life.
You gotta take it or leave it.

I looked to a world away and I wished for better days.
But I'm still standing in line for love, for life to take my breath away.
And I know it'll happen: I'll stop breathing one day.
I only hope, that at that time, there'll be a smile on my face.
Track Name: Goodbye San Francisco
Saw the Gate after the journey
And all the lights were waiting for me.
Golden blood flowing through that city,
All was fire, blazing free.

Met a girl, made some money.
Isn't that the way life should be?
I knew that soon I'd have my little corner,
And all that golden blood would be flowing through me.

Hours and violence changed me in a hurry,
A stone alone then, beside the sea.
The threat of injury, and debt and dishonour and all I'd burred deep,
Summoned a darkness, and strange kinds of agony.

And if all had gone to plan, I would not have gone through that.
But if all goes to plan, I might see you again.

There were soon hands from the across the ocean
There were soon friends, and heated conversation.
And all the money was a help I don't doubt.
The charity it hurt my pride, but it was well thought out.

So it was not all bad I'll admit.
There was the hard times and the lessons and that cliche shit, but
I know now what builds a home, and it seems as clear as day to me
What makes a home? Just like every other place,
Home isn't you.
But you gotta know:

That if all had gone to plan, I'd be in very good hands.
And if all goes to plan, I will see you again.

And if all goes to plan, I will see you again.
And if all goes to plan, you will shine out.
And if someone would hold my hand, it would bring your sights to life.
But then that, that would be the plan, and it's in my sights.
Track Name: The Dreamer's Curse
I dreamt of hitting the sidewalk, face first in the rain.
I dreamt of getting my head crushed by a moving train.
But then I dreamt of a happy place, where I would like to stay,
Someone in my arms again.

I dreamt of cutting my throat open on a cracked window pane.
I dreamt of blowing my head up with a gun aimed at my brain.
But then I dreamt of that happy place, where I'd still like to stay.
The dreamer's curse is coming round again.

Because when you visit in other worlds,
This one will seem so lame.
Because my friend that happy place,
It's right where you cannot stay.

Awkwardness is a bastard, see I tried to do what's nice,
But I misread the label, and then I paid the price.
I tried to be the good guy: generous and pure.
Now I look like an ass hole, for sure.

So let this be a lesson: Karma's not so straight.
It'll take your good intentions, and throw them in your face.
You can dream of being chivalrous, unflappable and kind,
But in the end you'll fuck up your mind.

Because when you dream of being good,
The world will scoff and say:
'I'll make up my own mind…
And with your soul I'll play'.

You see there's two kinds of people in the world:
There's the smart ones, and then there's me.
They stick to their eyesight, hearing and sweet coffee.
I jump for the skyline, and break my ankles in three.
Metaphorically speaking of course, but it still hurts like shit.

Don't dream.
Track Name: Exorcism
You don't have to be here when I'm gone.
You can close your eyes and fall asleep.
One day, when our world reaches its end,
You'll be just as real as anything.

I don't have to be there when you're gone.
I could never stay here at your side.
One day fact and vision will not hold,
I'll see myself in all the space between me and another.

Though you are the one who stood with me outside,
And though you are the one who threw your arms around me,
You could never fool me: I know your face quite well.
The lies and games, the stars in your eyes, they can go to hell.

You can make a face so beautiful.
You can make a heart that doesn't falter.
One day soon I will convince myself,
It is all informed by my real friends and lovers.
But I love to see you in full bloom.
Shining, smiling, shimmering in full blown color.
There is no day that will ever come
Where I won't be drawn to you in all your wonder.

But though you are the one who said those comforting words,
And though you are the one who I pulled close into me,
You could never fool me: I know your face quite well.
The truth that tears, the bright world inside, they can go to hell.

So when I'm old and when I'm blistered,
You can show me whatever you want.
The faces will be different,
And the wider world will go on.

Nothing has to be their when I'm gone.
We're not stars but right now I know
That I am alive and
Part of a world.

So you are not the one, girl (goodbye).
Track Name: Hope
There are so many stories in my mind,
But they're all so God damn tragic.
There are so many people in my life,
But they're all so goddamn absent.
And so many chances pass me by,
But I just can't see the worth in them.
Feels like I'm just waiting to die,
But that can't be right.

Why are we burdened with the vision of a world that will never be?
Why are we burdened with the vision of people who we'll never meet?
It's like time's taking my whole life away, floating in a void so bitter sweet.
The bitter is the sweetness in its unreality, and I swear, I just can't take it.

Do you expect me to play the game like it's real?
There is just no place where I really feel at home,
So take it all away, and I guess, I'm left with hope.

Is that a comfort to you?

There are so many heroes in our time,
But they all go fucking nameless.
There is so much beauty in our lives,
But it all seems fucking tainted.
All those choices pass us by,
And worlds diverge and mock us with their faces.
Are we all just waiting to die?
It just can't be right.

Do I believe that one day I'll be happy?
And will it just be a day?
Because that, my friend, I don't know if I could take.
But I'll try anyway.
Track Name: Stars
You are Young, the sky seems like it's made of flame,
And all these lessons are so mundane.
The world outside (inside) seems so much brighter, so much neater,
But all in time; the real might get better.
You seek the law, you seek the theory, of the only world to come:
A meeting of fact and vision.
And be sure, it will arrive, but you won't see me in it,
'Cause we're not stars, built to see the ages pass.

So now you think that just because you're not sleeping with someone
It means your youth is wasted?
To not be clung to by a paragon of mythic love and simple truth,
Your meaning's doused and your fire's out?
So life and energy to fuel momentary ecstasy, why wish that?
It's only over quicker.
Go ahead and live for victory, but time again you'll only see:
That lightning flashes, then it's over.

There a history of a town that's filled with silent streets.
No one's moving, they're all so God damn happy.
But your Sky's too wide, your Black's too empty, your fuel is finite,
And their hand only touches yours because it left someone else.
Here in movement, here in joy, here in mourning, and all the moments that have clawed behind our eyes,
We will sit, and we will wonder, over and over.

But when I'm old and I am tired,
And my sky is not on fire anymore,
Please don't look at me quite so harshly.
Just give me a little more time, give my eyes more of a chance to shine.
And When I'm old and when I'm tired,
And my sky is not on fire anymore,
Please be kind, and side by side...

We can look back through time,
Maybe even smile.
I'm back to where I started from:
That meeting of fact and vision.
Why?
I'll wonder.
Over and over.